SNAIL AND PLATYPUS, SUE BUSTERS!
by Snail and Platypus Inc
Summary: We hate Mary Sues. As I'm sure do most of you SANE people out there. And we find school dull. There you go- summary of why we wrote this. Its pointless- but Mary Sue bashing. So it can't be all bad...


SNAIL AND PLATYPUS, DEFENDERS OF THE GALAXY, DESTROYERS OF ALL THINGS SUE!!!  
  
Authors Note: Heylooo!!! We are Snail and Platypus- though sometimes in this fic we are referred to as Caitlin (Snail) and Joanna (Platy). We'd love it if you reviewed our. er. piece of ludicrousey, and all flames are welcome- as Snail is currently saving them up to burn Justin Timberlake with. ( So if you would be kind enough to give us a few flames. Though at the moment there's not much to flame. but still. Just enjoy it, and hope that fanfiction will take our letter of complaint about Mary Sues seriously- and ban them. ( Anyway- enjoy people! Love SNAIL AND PLATYPUS  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know if we can be bothered with this really. You know we don't own it, we know we don't own it. We don't even own ourselves. Our head of year does. And she's never letting us go.. *shudder*  
  
* * *  
  
As she reached to take the cookie, there was a blinding flash, and both of the year nines got sucked into the cookie jar, leaving a rattling lid behind them.  
  
There. Now we've opened with a bang- we can write the dull paragraph or so, that explains what a god damn cookie jar has got to do with the destruction of all Mary Sues. (We promised you it, we'll give you it) So here we go.  
  
Chapter 1: The Magical Cookie Jar of Power  
  
Joanna reached out her hand to the cookie jar, and then froze. 'Should we do this?' she asked 'If the teachers find out we've broken into they're secret cookie jar of assorted cookies and mints- we can kiss goodbye to the lotr exhibition and start planning an anti boredom kit for another detention spent in this hellhole.' 'Do you want the cookie or not?' groaned Caitlin. (This was Snails usual logic- stuff trouble- we want food) 'Ok!' Joanna gave in (No one can argue with Snail Logic) 'The cookie. it looks so beautiful!' As she reached to take the cookie, there was a blinding flash, and both of the year nines got sucked into the cookie jar, leaving a rattling lid behind them.  
  
*And this is where we left off. So let's see what happens to our sue-haters shall we? And we promise- half a second- the Mary Sues are in for a reeeal  
treat! Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!!*  
  
'That's interesting,' said Caitlin, standing up and brushing herself off. 'We appear to landed ourselves in.. *she looked around* .Middle Earth. Intriguing.' (This is also a vital part of Snails character, she doesn't understand- well. anything. Useful, because it helps her keep expressionless and dumb in any given situation.) 'Caitlin, do you realise what just happened?' asked Joanna, in a deadly calm voice, as she stood up, then went mad, 'WE JUST GOT SUCKED THROUGH A MAGICAL COOKIE JAR!!! DOESN'T THAT SEEM A BIT SURREAL TO YOU?!!?!?!?' 'Joanna- we're Snail and Platypus- we ARE surreal.' Caitlin tried to calm poor Platy down. 'Good point,' said Joanna, accepting this and settling down. Both girls were completely off they're heads anyway and had expected something of this magnitude to happen one day. It was a major cock up from the people at the Department of Mentally Challenged Individuals, (which is a fancy way of saying the funny farm, which is another term for the loony bin, also known as Wycombe High School), that they weren't strapped to the bottom of the empty swimming pool in straight jackets. They, fortunately for our Sue Busters, got the wrong girl- or should I say. teacher...  
  
*cut to picture of Mrs Ward, strapped to the bottom of the empty swimming  
pool in a straight jacket, genetically modified to look like Snail and  
Platypus*  
  
Mrs Ward: Its not me! I'm innocent I tell you! It was THEM!!!! They're the lunatics!!!!! Heeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeee!!!!!!  
  
Mr Green: That's what they all say honey *continues walking back to the IT room muttering something about 'lunatics'*  
  
*cut back to picture of the soon-to-be-Sue Busters*  
  
'We've got bigger troubles,' muttered Caitlin, pointing in the direction of a herd of Mary Sues, rampaging free across the landscape.  
  
'Problem.' said Joanna. And they both dived into the nearest bush.  
  
Authors Note: More to come! *people groan in background.* We've got double maths tomorrow (but not together! *sob*) so no doubt we'll finish writing chapter two then! 'The Mission of the Magical Cookie Jar' or something to that effect. ( Mary Sue bashing as well- promise. 


End file.
